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Adults pampered for raising relatives' children

BY DARIN FENGER,

SUN STAFF WRITER

Sep 9, 2006
Raising a 4-year-old at 75 doesn't scare Terry Phillips, but going to the beauty salon for some pampering sure did.

Phillips turned out to be the only grandpa among a bunch of grandmas and aunts on Saturday who took advantage of a special event offering a mini day spa experience for old folks raising children of relatives.

Good-humored Phillips passed on the facials and manicures, but he did put his feet up long enough to get a good, ol' shave and trim.

"I feel kind of weird. What's a guy doing in a beauty parlor surrounded by a bunch of ladies?" Phillips said, laughing and explaining how his wife talked him into attending. "She didn't drag me. She just threatened me."

About 15 families enjoyed the special three-hour event, which was sponsored by The KARE Family Center, a program of the Arizona's Children Association that provides free services and resources to grandparents and other relatives raising children.

The event, the day before Grandparents' Day, was called A Little Break, or Un Descansito in Spanish, and featured the beautifying talents of three ladies from Total Concepts Beauty Center.

Participants enjoyed everything from having their skin moisturized and nails buffed to getting a new hair style or having their make-up done. The site was a KARE Center conference room decorated to look like a salon, where light melodies of relaxing music floated on the air while the noise of all the children being baby-sat Saturday was a whole building away.

After getting dolled up everyone enjoyed a yummy breakfast, filling up a large table of happy and good-looking caregivers who were mostly laughing and sharing stories.

Organizers said that their gifts Saturday could not have been shared with a more deserving group of people.

"These folks really don't have the time or the money for recreation, to pamper themselves, to take care of themselves," said Dubia Zaragoza, a program coordinator for KARE. "I don't think they realize how important this is, but it is necessary. It's a need they have, but because there're so many other priorities, they often don't realize it.

"The message about the importance of caregivers remembering their own needs amounts to a year-round mission for KARE leaders and volunteers.

"I explain to them that if you don't take care of yourself, if you don't give yourself some time, how can you keep giving to your grandchildren?" Zaragoza said, smiling. "It's important for them to take care of themselves for their own health, well-being — and for their sanity."

Grandmother Libby Bautista simply grinned with delight as she enjoyed having her face all made up, a luxury she last enjoyed three years ago when she attended a quinciñera.

"Oh, this feels great. It makes you feel young," Bautista raved. "I took the day off from work to be here."

But possibly enjoying it all even more was Bautista's 15-year-old granddaughter who stood by and watched with clear satisfaction seeing her grandma enjoying such quality girl time.

"It feels good because she's doing something she likes," said Priscilla Esperanza. "She doesn't pamper herself enough because she's always working. It makes me feel bad because she wants to go out and do stuff for herself, go and buy clothes and do her nails. But she just can't do that kind of stuff."

Esperanza added that her grandmother deserves a pat on the back, too, having done a marvelous job raising the young girl.

"My mom was never really with me when I was young, when I really needed her," the granddaughter said. "I love my grandma and I thank her for everything she's done for me."

But don't expect a sad song from Bautista's lips. In fact, most grandparents gathered at Saturday's event stressed that their decision to raise grandchildren is less a challenge to complain about and more a blessing to praise.

"Take your grandkids," Bautista said in a message to others in her shoes. "They'll make you feel younger. Take the time."

She added that she really does think that grandparents sometimes do a better job than the younger ones, too.

"We spend more time with the kids. I remember when I was young, giving them to the baby-sitter and always working," Bautista said. "Now, you just have one job and you dedicate yourself to your kids."

According to the 2000 Census, there were 2,000 Yuma families raising relatives' children, with 660 of those families being headed by grandparents."

I'm sure it's probably close to double now," Zaragoza said, "and that's just Yuma. Then count all the people in Somerton, San Luis (Ariz.) and Wellton, that's a lot of families."

The KARE Center currently looks after 50 families, all of whom were invited to the event."

We have families that have taken in up to seven children and many of these people are well past the age of having young families," Zaragoza said. "There are a lot of feelings of lost independence they had already achieved, the want to finally be on their own and retire. There is a sense of anger, sometimes at life or toward their children for not getting their act together and taking care of their own kids."

Phillips and his wife, Mary Lu, adopted a relative's son two years ago, when he was just 2."

We couldn't see Randy going to just anybody," Phillips said. "His mom and dad had lost him through the court and we were fortunate enough to be there to put in our bid to raise him."

There hadn't been a child in the couple's house for more than a decade when Randy arrived."

There's nothing difficult about it, except for when he gets stubborn, even more so than I am," Phillips quipped, stressing that being a senior citizen raising a youngster isn't greatly difficult at all. "If it is, I don't realize it. He's on me and Lu Lu like fresh paint, all over us all the time. Ah, that feels gratifying, too, real rewarding."

On a solemn note Phillips admitted that the couple's health will determine just how long they will be able to care for and love their young charge.

"It depends on how soon I die," he said, quickly saying, though, that keeping after the little spitfire actually keeps Phillips young. "Man, he cracks a whip! He never gives up and he never gives in. I gotta stay young just to keep after Randy."

Darin Fenger can be reached at dfenger@yumasun.com or 539-6860.

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posted by Cheryl Levesque @ 4:39 PM